So my drunken readers I have a battle report from my latest solo roam and there was the tea pot incident. Yes we should all get the bottles out and fill the glasses for this one............
ALL IS NORMAL
The night started like most nights. Planet side requires my attention at 5:00 AM every morning so I was on a 3 hour time crunch. I logged in, whiskey in hand, and found myself in Lisbaetanne solar system. I gave the normal meet and greets in corp chat and watched local climb to 14. Always looking to pass judgement on pod pilots I undocked and went looking for trouble. Found none so I decided to go to Hevrice, home of the Tuskers, and stir the hornets nest a bit. I should get a fight. Nope. Nothing but AFK Tuskers. Oh well back to Lisbaetanne. (Pause Roam)
THE TEA POT AND THE BULL
Lhorenzho logs in. There was a time when R1FTA's US time zone was made up of just Lhorenzho and your favorite Judge. This might lead you the reader to think we are a bit out numbered by our fellow Rebels across the big water. You would be right. I have discovered that Brits love their tea and this is a long standing tradition. I respect this as we Texans have many traditions of our own. Tradition is good. Tea is good.....with whiskey of course. It seems Miura Bull (the Boss) loves his tea time as i am sure many of you do. This is a good thing. It seems that tea drinking Brits sometimes have more than one tea pot. This seems like a good thing. I'm good with this so far...............
A quality discussion in corp comms about.......tea
Lhorenzho > Lhornzho-->sits down....feeling light headed
Judge Sarn > D R I N K it will help....cant hurt
Miura Bull > is whiskey with soda water a crime?
Miura Bull > and a dash of lime
Lhorenzho > Lhorenzho--->puts head between his knees....feeling faint at hearing BLASPHEMY
Miura Bull > but it tastes so good
Judge Sarn > I feel a Judgement coming
Judge Sarn > You can put Ice in the glass with your whiskey but that is ALL....I have spoken
Lhorenzho > thats as far as i go Judge. Maybe some ice.
Miura Bull > tea makes me light-headed :p
Judge Sarn > do you stop shooting your target if it is time for tea?
Miura Bull > LOL
Judge Sarn > I mean you guys stop all things at tea time dont you?
Miura Bull > damned right
Lhorenzho > tea?? I mean.....TEA??
Miura Bull > drinking tea is like a religion
Lhorenzho > i have turned into an atheist suddenly
Miura Bull > if i'm preparing a proper pot with warmed cups
Miura Bull > got to get it just right
Miura Bull > it is an art form a science if you will
Judge Sarn > My Cultist leader and murderer of the space lanes stops for tea
Miura Bull > LOLOL
Miura Bull > do americans even own kettles?
Miura Bull > it is like a device that boils water
Lhorenzho > they are an instrument in a band or we have exercise gurus who use kettles in their routines
Judge Sarn > we drink ICED Tea in TEXAS
Miura Bull > hmm iced tea is okay I guess
Judge Sarn > we drink HOT coffee and Iced Tea
Judge Sarn > we use Kettles to cook beans
Miura Bull > crazy
Lhorenzho > do you cook beans in your kettle too Boss?
Miura Bull > stop now this is poison
Miura Bull > only beans we have here are heinz baked beans
Miura Bull > we certainly dont stick them in our kettles :P
Judge Sarn > stop I spilt whiskey
Judge Sarn > we use big cast iron kettles
Miura Bull > do you own a tea pot?
Lhorenzho > can you imagine that Judge......Tea in Kettles??
Judge Sarn > no I cant L
Lhorenzho > i cant wrap my mind around that concept
Miura Bull > well the tea isnt the kettle
Miura Bull > one sec let me see if i can find my tea pots picture i took on his bday
Lhorenzho > Judge.......
Lhorenzho > you dont think he is REALLY going to subject us to pictures of a fucking kettle do you?
Judge Sarn > yes......
Judge Sarn > he will
Lhorenzho > say it aint so Judge
Judge Sarn > it is cultist punishment
Lhorenzho > it is a truly diabolical cult....the one that uses Kettles
Lhorenzho > right now he is feverishly searching his hard drive for the pictures.......can we nip this shit in the bud somehow
Miura Bull > here we go this is my tea pot, makes two nice cups
Judge Sarn > he did it
Lhorenzho > shit......
Miura Bull > :D
Miura Bull > i'm going to make a FRED about this
Judge Sarn > GOD help us....and save the Queen of course
Lhorenzho > it has its own fucking wardrobe.........you gotta be shittin me
Judge Sarn > lol
Lhorenzho > i laughed at people who put clothes on their pets.......i can come to terms with that...but to dress your KETTLE!!
Lhorenzho > is that picture from your home MB?
Miura Bull > LOL lho
Miura Bull > yeah he has a winter coat and a summer one too
Lhorenzho > J....are you reading this........seasonal kettle wear
Miura Bull > :D
Lhorenzho > he fucking did it J.........he has a forum thread on it.......unbelievable
Miura Bull > tea making is very important to me
Judge Sarn > they outnumber us L....you know this right?
Lhorenzho > yup
Judge Sarn > BLACK REBEL TEAPOT CLUB.....god help us
Judge Sarn > the teapot has a coat L
Miura Bull > hahaha
Judge Sarn > THE FREEKIN TEAPOT HAS A FREEKIN COAT L !!!!!!
Judge Sarn > I will need all the whiskey in my Rifter and at station to get past this
Miura Bull > lol
NovaKane Incorporated is owned and operated by maybe the the most famous and legendary solo pirate in New Eden. The mighty Kane Rizzel. I started reading Mr. Rizzels blog about 1 1/2 years ago before there was a Judge Sarn and I have read all of his posts. Not only a master of the solo kill, he is a master of the written word unlike the drunken gibberish you read here. When I created the Judge and set him off to learn Kane's art of the solo kill I set some goals. One of which was to some day battle this most respected pirate. Kane Rizzel is one of the reasons I am RED. (continue roam)
Docked in Lisbaetanne and a bit overloaded with talk of tea and teapots with fucking coats on them I was just about ready to call it a night. Then the Boss started talking about the gangs he was seeing that would not fight him and Lhorenzho had a kill or two in Molden Heath so I decided to Jump to my home clone in Heild. Waking in the goo of my old clone I see a member of RANSM in local but by the time I can restart my shit from the jump and grab a Rifter he is gone.
I told the Boss it was my bedtime but I was going to go next door and poke RANSM in the side and see if I could at least get my Rifter blown up before I went to sleep. I grab a shield Rifter and into Bosena I jump and warp to my top belt scan spot. Checking local and who do I see? My idol and pirate mentor Kane Rizzel. If I was going to lose a Rifter I can't think of a better person to lose it to.
I got my fight and for me it was the greatest Rifter v Rifter fight I have had to date. I will never forget my first fight with Mr. Rizzel. I am sure he will not remember it in a week as I was just one of thousands that he has fought but for me it meant something. He is a class act and a great guy. To my surprise the shield Rifter was the right ship for this fight so I will leave you with one more chat log.
Shield Rifter vs Active Armor Rifter
EVE System > Channel changed to Local : Bosena
Judge Sarn > o7 Kane Rizzel luv the Blog
Kane Rizzel > o7 :)
Judge Sarn > got a Rifter handy?
Kane Rizzel > good to go, invite me to gang
Judge Sarn > kk sec
Judge Sarn > let me make us a safe
Kane Rizzel > kk
Kane Rizzel > x when I can warp to you
Judge Sarn > kk Im here
Judge Sarn > and thank for the gfgf
Kane Rizzel > gl
Judge Sarn > i need it
Kane Rizzel > gf
Judge Sarn > oh my god
Judge Sarn > GFGFGFGFGF
Kane Rizzel > :)
Judge Sarn > i went with shield fit
Kane Rizzel > nice job
Kane Rizzel > plenty of buffer
Judge Sarn > I cant believe it
Judge Sarn > ALL my shit is burnt up
Kane Rizzel > haha
Kane Rizzel > it earned it's pay
Judge Sarn > so it was a great fight and I thank you again....with much respect
Kane Rizzel > thank you and congrats
Kane Rizzel > o7
Judge Sarn > o/
I say Kane Rizzel Pirate 1st Class.
FLY DRUNK! FLY RIFTERS!